fat kid diary // take # 3

once again, wtf ?

I ate normally yesterday, i was 52.5kg in the morning, as I told you, and after dinner I was 52.1kg (around 10pm). I didnt get much sleep this time (stupid insomnia), but when I weighed myself (10am, so 12hours later), i was 52.2kg. I DONT GET IT! it's upsetting. I obviously wont be 51kg by tomorrow hahahaha. Let's push it to monday.
i'm trying really hard not to b/p though.

So far today:

breakfast:
a cup of coffee
a glass of mango/passion fruit smoothie (100ish calories)
2/3 of a papaya (around 50 cals.)

lunch:
a big bowl of vegetable soup + a bit of light cream (i'd say 200 cals. for 60cl + 30)
2 rice cakes with a slice of cheddar (64 + 44 cals.)

this is already too much. damn it. shouldnt have eaten the cheddar and added cream :/

afternoon snack : (fuuuuck, why does everyone at work buys food?)
3 hazelnut filled biscuits (218 cals.)
2 squarres of dark chocolate (53 cals.)
a clementine.

right now: half a beer (110 cals.)

SO i'm around 900ish cals today. that sucks. If only i hadnt eaten those damn biscuits, i'd be around 700cals. fuck. (i'm sorry, i'm saying this word way too much).
i HAVE TO be 51kg by monday, otherwise it means i'm a lazy fatass with no willpower (which is true but whatever). I'm weak, why cant i do it? I want this so badly but i screw up everytime!
Nevertheless, it's so cold in Paris right now that it's not helping; i get really chilly in winter and it tires me hence the fact that i compensate with food. Also, i never workout...
And in my defense, once again, i havent pooped (sorry) since tuesday. I know, gross. I'll take laxatives tonight, because i cant take anymore. Every time i cut down on food my body takes ages to drop... it. Annoying.
I dont think i'll have dinner.  I hope tomorrow i'll have lost at least a tiny bit of weight ?!


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