Disastrous End

My best friend was sick so i ended up going at his place to buy & give him some meds. I also ended up emptying his kitchen: popcorn, cookies, cheese, more biscuits... until 2 am. I wanted to throw up while he was asleep but his brother came home at that exact moment. Fuck. It's so stupid since i had lost weight. I wasnt even hungry.

Oh dear bulimia please leave me alone.

I'm at work right now, it's soon lunch time and  i've already eaten 5 cookies. FUCKKK

When i cant smoke, i guess i eat. Lately i havent been able to buy as much cigarettes as i'd like to smoke because i'm broke. I'm stressed. I couldnt buy a subway ticket this morning, i was late for work, and i was lucky enough to get controlled. I tried to tell them that i couldnt buy one because i have no money, but what do you know: I now have to pay 67€. Then i cried on my way to work. Nothing's been working lately.  My life is a dull wreck and i feel empty most of the time. Truth is I've been like this for so many years and i know i cope this void with food; but sometimes when i have more control over it, i do feel better.

Right now my ideal meal for lunch would be:

a venti strawberries & cream frappuccino

2 cookies

pastas with cheese.

Then purge.

It's either i do this now (i can go home for lunch) or tonight. I'm afraid that if i dont do it now, i'll eat shit again this afternoon. I can feel the urge to binge-purge coming. 

Triple merde.

help

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